I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
