Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
