I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tell your sister to shave her snatch
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
