Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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