Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
