do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
