Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Randomize
