Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
