i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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