just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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