he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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