used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
