there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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