His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
