Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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