where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
