Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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