i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have to summon your inner elephant
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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