it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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