Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
