Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
