I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
