is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
