dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
