Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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