It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
