I wanna passion pit in your ass
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
