I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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