I puked a lego.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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