dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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