My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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