im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
