Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
