I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
