Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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