We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
