Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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