so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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