A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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