I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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