im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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