my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
