I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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