A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
