Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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