why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
