While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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