I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
