If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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