2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
