just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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