Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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