apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
