no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
