I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
