well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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