I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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