Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
