i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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