I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
