When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Floor bacon is actually really good
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
