I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
